Never Say Never

Let me clear. Very clear.  I do not like tattoos.  Never have. I understand people who get them for personal reasons, like putting the name of their husband or wife on their arm (although didn’t work out so well for Angelina first time around—just sayin’) or maybe a ying and yang symbol, or some other symbol that has meaning for that person.  I get it; I just don’t like them for me.  The ones that really perplex me are the compulsive tattoo people, not just one or two, but whole arms, backs, legs.  I don’t understand.  As a note, I’m contradicting myself on this one, because I really, really don’t like tattoos, but an exception is Adam Levine and David Beckham.  Can’t explain why they look hot with tattoos, they just do.  I digress.

 So I’m getting to the never say never part of this blog.  Watch those nevers…sometimes we don’t have control over what comes next.  Like my three little blue tattoos.  OK you could argue they are not really tattoos, but to me they are.  Permanent blue marks on my body.  The say YOU HAD CANCER.  A reminder that I laid on a table for 33 days, while beams of radiation were lined up to those little dots.  33 days where 4-5 people stood over me and adjusted me while I was laying there topless.  Pushing and pulling me. Drawing on me with sharpies to make sure my dots were lined up just so.  After they got it perfect, they made a beeline for the thick door that shut me in.  You know it’s strong stuff when people want to be as far away as possible from you while you get zapped.

The day I got my tattoos is still vivid in my mind.  I had my cat scan first and then the two technicians were using those damn sharpies on my boobs.  Such a strange things.  So sweet Janice is chatting away, commenting on the color of my nail polish and then BAM she stabbed me!  Sweet Janice stabbed me!  She apologized and said it was better if I was distracted for the first one.  The other two went fast, not any less painful, but it was over quick.

 So now I have three blue dots (If I had to have them, why couldn’t I pick the color?  Purple?  Turquoise?  Something other than the blue-black that they are.  A permanent reminder that I have a before and after in my life.  Never say never.  What marks the change that cancer has made in your life?  How do you see your self now?  …….Me? The three tattoos make me feel a bit like a badass biker chick…kicking the crap out of cancer!

Crap happens, so what are you going to do about it?

Have you ever felt compelled?  Really, truly, wholly compelled?  I have.  GO Lisey is about a vision, a feeling, a desire to make the scary, the crappy, the painful stuff in life better.  A year ago, I was going through radiation, feeling depressed going in to that closet of awful hospital gowns, and I knew I had to do something for myself---seriously the fabrics on those things were from the 50’s, they reminded me of bad, mint green formica!  The best design out of the bunch was snowflakes and it was Spring and dammit I didn’t want to wear snowflakes in April!  Those stupid hospital gowns made me feel like I had cancer, like some sick person and that was not who I wanted to be.   So on April 12th, I declared that I was going to make my own gowns.  I was having a Kick Cancer’s Ass party with my girlfriends (note—this is a great idea.  Only fabulous, killer shoes allowed) and I told them my idea and they cheered me on.  

I made my own gowns and everyone who saw them or heard about them, connected with them, a visceral connection to the concept.  They got it.  People understand that life keeps coming and it’s how we approach it that matters.

I kept revising the gowns, tweaking them, trying to get it right…or at least so I could have it cover my back and still be able to slip it off on the radiation table!  I’m not the best seamstress in the world, but I kept sewing anyway.  The radiation technicians offered up ideas, the oncological nurse had thoughts, the whole team took an interest.  As a note, the only other homemade gown they had ever seen was a Super Woman cape which sounds fun, but not exactly my style either!

By Easter last year, we were floating names up for a company and GO Lisey was in motion.  It took on a life of it’s own.  I became bolder, determined, tenacious in making GO Lisey real.  People, resources, connections aligned to help me along the way.  Being compelled does that.  It truly does.

The vision for GO Lisey came to me as I was waking up one morning (that delicious space between dreaming and waking) and I knew with all certainty that the vision of GO Lisey was to uplift the daily mood of patients and their support circles.  Verbatim, that’s what hit me.  

So today, I am welcoming the first of many products to the come, the Glam Gown.  Meant to inspire inner Glam, a positive outlook, and just plain feeling fabulous.  

GO Lisey is about doing something with the crap that happens.  What will you do?