Never Say Never

Let me clear. Very clear.  I do not like tattoos.  Never have. I understand people who get them for personal reasons, like putting the name of their husband or wife on their arm (although didn’t work out so well for Angelina first time around—just sayin’) or maybe a ying and yang symbol, or some other symbol that has meaning for that person.  I get it; I just don’t like them for me.  The ones that really perplex me are the compulsive tattoo people, not just one or two, but whole arms, backs, legs.  I don’t understand.  As a note, I’m contradicting myself on this one, because I really, really don’t like tattoos, but an exception is Adam Levine and David Beckham.  Can’t explain why they look hot with tattoos, they just do.  I digress.

 So I’m getting to the never say never part of this blog.  Watch those nevers…sometimes we don’t have control over what comes next.  Like my three little blue tattoos.  OK you could argue they are not really tattoos, but to me they are.  Permanent blue marks on my body.  The say YOU HAD CANCER.  A reminder that I laid on a table for 33 days, while beams of radiation were lined up to those little dots.  33 days where 4-5 people stood over me and adjusted me while I was laying there topless.  Pushing and pulling me. Drawing on me with sharpies to make sure my dots were lined up just so.  After they got it perfect, they made a beeline for the thick door that shut me in.  You know it’s strong stuff when people want to be as far away as possible from you while you get zapped.

The day I got my tattoos is still vivid in my mind.  I had my cat scan first and then the two technicians were using those damn sharpies on my boobs.  Such a strange things.  So sweet Janice is chatting away, commenting on the color of my nail polish and then BAM she stabbed me!  Sweet Janice stabbed me!  She apologized and said it was better if I was distracted for the first one.  The other two went fast, not any less painful, but it was over quick.

 So now I have three blue dots (If I had to have them, why couldn’t I pick the color?  Purple?  Turquoise?  Something other than the blue-black that they are.  A permanent reminder that I have a before and after in my life.  Never say never.  What marks the change that cancer has made in your life?  How do you see your self now?  …….Me? The three tattoos make me feel a bit like a badass biker chick…kicking the crap out of cancer!

Posted on May 19, 2015 .